


hello my old heart

by hansoom



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Mentions of alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 19:37:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18037583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hansoom/pseuds/hansoom
Summary: Or: four times Yoo Jeongyeon was a coward, and one time she tried not to be.





	hello my old heart

**1.**  
  
Ten minutes to showtime, and Sana is still missing. Her phone has been buzzing on their dressing room counter for twenty straight minutes, calls from different managers who still haven't caught on that she didn't bring it with her, and Jeongyeon is alternating between fiddling with the chain attached to her waist and staring at Jihyo who's pacing out in the hallway, looking like she's about to explode into an aneurysm at any moment.  
  
Jeongyeon presses her palms to the pale skin of the couch, the cotton sinking under the pressure, and is about to get onto her feet and join the futile search party when she hears Sana's voice ring out in the corridor.  
  
"I'm _so_ sorry," Sana's disembodied voice says, and Jihyo's face through the doorway is a mix of anger and relief and - tenderness, because it's just not possible to be angry at Sana. Not fully, anyway. "I'll explain later, let me just change now - I'm so sorry, I'm really -"  
  
Jeongyeon doesn't hear the conversation that follows, but not long after Sana bustles into the dressing room and shuts the door, costume in hand, and startles at Jeongyeon on the couch. Her cheeks are flushed, her hair sticking up in places.  
  
"Oh. Hi," Sana says. Jeongyeon swallows the questions inside her chest - their stylist unnie is hovering around behind her, and shoots Jeongyeon a look that Jeongyeon can't really process right now, not when Sana's staring right at her, laid strangely bare.  
  
"Um, I'll just - leave," she starts, because Sana is already making to drag her shirt over her head.  
  
"Hey, no," Sana says, and Jeongyeon nearly jumps out of her skin when Sana's fingers circle blindly around her wrist. "It's fine," Sana insists, through a mouth of fabric. "Sorry, I know you like calming down in the dressing room," hand through an armhole, "I'll be quiet."  
  
The worst times to be around Sana, Jeongyeon thinks, are when she's occupied with something. That way her walls slide down just a little, and whatever peeks out from underneath makes Jeongyeon's head spin, makes her feel like something's ready to burst out of her chest.  
  
"Don't worry about me," Jeongyeon says, ducking away from Sana. She can see, in her periphery, their stylist's eyes bounce from Jeongyeon's retreating form to Sana's frantic one, but Jeongyeon doesn't look back.  
  
  
  
**2.**  
  
Jeongyeon thinks several mistakes were made tonight, one of them definitely by whichever idiot decided leaving Sana with an entire bottle of soju was a good idea. Sana has been clinging to the others in various levels of aggression the entire evening, particularly poor Tzuyu who was pushed into a corner and made to serve as Sana's sleeping bag for what felt to Jeongyeon like at least half an hour. Maybe it's only been minutes. In any case, Sana's gotten up again and rounded onto Jeongyeon, looking a little manic and unfocused as she delicately places herself beside Jeongyeon, their arms lightly touching.  
  
For all of Sana's bravado, she's still respectful of Jeongyeon's personal space - of course, she's prone to overstepping in bouts and fits of overaffection, but she's more careful with her than anyone else, and Jeongyeon's thankful for more reasons than now. Jeongyeon's a little surprised that she's the same even when inebriated.  
  
Still, Sana can invade in different ways, and Jeongyeon stiffens up when Sana leans a little closer, says lightly: "The thing about you is that," Sana slurs, and _damn_ is she drunk, "you care too much about other people."  
  
"Yes, and you know I'm working on it," Jeongyeon offers, not quite sure what Sana's gunning for. Whatever it was, Jeongyeon's words make Sana giggle, and she places her head on the younger's shoulder. It's uncomfortably warm.  
  
"I just meant," Sana laughs, and Jeongyeon feels her arm extend across her front to land on Jeongyeon's shoulder. She's got the younger girl in an awkward half-hug, and Jeongyeon _really_ wants to crawl right out of her own skin. Still, she doesn't make a move to displace Sana's hand, so Sana takes it as permission and squeezes tighter. "I want you to be kinder to yourself."  
  
When Sana looks back up, her chin is propped gently onto Jeongyeon's clavicle, breath ghosting across Jeongyeon's skin. She's the most beautiful girl Jeongyeon's ever seen, and nothing has terrified Jeongyeon more than this very moment. Jeongyeon moves to throw off Sana's arm because she can feel her self-restraint starting to splinter, but Sana keeps speaking and Jeongyeon has to move _fast, now, before -_  
  
"Because I like you," Sana calls, as Jeongyeon shrugs off her hold and stands up, the blanket over her lap sliding down to the floor. "Because I really really really like you," Sana says again, softly, hurt, and Jeongyeon stalks to the other side of the room, far away from Sana, and drinks down her delusions.  
  
  
  
**3.**  
  
Confrontations aren't easy. Jeongyeon knows they do it on the radio all the time, but those are petty incidents, things that they don't mind sharing with their fans because they're funny or heartwarming or just silly, paints a picture of them as people with their own little worries and faults.  
  
But, Jeongyeon thinks, knuckles pressed to Sana's room door, this is a little different. Still, she draws her hand back to knock when - for some horrible reason, Sana opens the door first. She had her hair wrapped up in a towel, eyeliner freshly wiped off her eyes, and her features rearrange into something like pleasant surprise when she registers who it is.  
  
"Hi," Sana says, first, because it's always Sana taking the first step. Jeongyeon feels her mouth go dry and the words she'd prepared a thousand times inside her head jumble.  
  
So, ineloquently, she fumbles, "I'm here on orders of our leader Park Jihyo."  
  
Sana's laugh is a bit like a tinkle. Over the years, Jeongyeon's started to catalogue them, sieving the real ones from false ones, and then the ones that she's unsure of, like when Nayeon's cracking another ill-humoured joke or Mina comes out of her room with puffy eyes after "needing time alone". The one that Sana lets out now falls into the third category, and Jeongyeon tries not to let how unsettled she feels show.  
  
"Okay," Sana says, folding her arms across her chest and leaning herself against the door frame. Jeongyeon has nothing to lean on, which is just - unfair. This being on Sana's home turf doesn't make it easier for her. Actually, maybe she should have strategized -  
  
"So... what does the leader want from me?"  
  
Sana's eyes flicker to the Vitamins in Jeongyeon's hands and back up to her face, and the smile that Sana wears behind closed doors is so different from the one she carries around in public that Jeongyeon can't help the butterflies that erupt in her stomach. It's been so long since the two of them were together alone, and Jeongyeon had forgotten how it makes her feel restless and at peace all at once. It's confusing.  
  
She clears her throat. "The leader told me to pass these to you," Jeongyeon says, and cringes because Jihyo may be many many things, but isn't quite the health freak. "And asked you to take care of yourself more. Stop trying to watch one hour of your show and ending up watching four. Or going out for late night snacks."  
  
Sana's really laughing now, the corners of her eyes crinkling, and she's leaning forward into Jeongyeon's orbit. Still, she's careful to keep the space between them.  
  
"And what else would Jeongyeon like me to do?" Sana asks, lips curving up. The lie is a bust.  
  
Jeongyeon flushes bright red. This really isn't how she thought it would go.  
  
"Jeongyeon would... like you to promise to do those things first. And let Jeongyeon take care of you." Jeongyeon can almost _feel_ her soul sliding right out of her body and into their wooden flooring, made only worse by the fact that Sana is staring at her with that one look that Jeongyeon can never quite understand.  
  
Finally, Sana takes the vitamins from the younger girl, the bunch of them fitting neatly into her bigger left hand. And then, she places careful fingers to the slant of Jeongyeon's jaw, leans in to press a kiss, soft and nearly indiscernible, to the higher part of her cheek, dangerously close to Jeongyeon's eyes. Jeongyeon closes them instinctively, letting the shudder that runs through her body soften and fade away, hoping desperately that Sana doesn't see it.  
  
"Thank you, Jeongyeonie," Jeongyeon hears, and then feels Sana walk away from her and to the kitchen. Slowly, steadily, she unfurls her hands that have clenched into fists, and breathes.  
  
  
  
**4.**  
  
Meeting Seungyeon when Sana is around is always the worst, and tonight's no exception. All her sister's been doing the entire evening has been fawning over Sana and ribbing Jeongyeon a new one - which Jeongyeon would be used to, except this time it's on live radio with a host of fans joining in on the fun.  
  
Still, the radio show comes to a happy close, and Sana is jumping all over Seungyeon with the widest smile on her face, and Jeongyeon allows herself that moment to be happy. They've been inundated with schedules this season, and this felt like a moment of fresh air with the people she loves - likes, _whatever_ , whatever Sana is to her. Jeongyeon doesn't want to think too much about it at the moment.  
  
On the van back, Jeongyeon is staring out the window when Sana's fingers tap lightly on her wrist. Sana's still wearing her big round spectacles, and she looks - different. Softer, like the usual shields she wields have been lowered. Or maybe it's because it's just the two of them on a rainy day, munching on dumplings and laughing as they try not to spill soy sauce all over the van's floor. Sana opens up like a flower after the rain. Jeongyeon can smell the dew.  
  
"Your sister seems to like me," Sana says. She seems almost unusually gleeful about it - Sana is always loved, and happily basks in it, but this seems over the top even for her.  
  
Still, Jeongyeon doesn't mind stroking her ego. She doesn't mind doing a lot of things for Sana, really. "She usually doesn't warm up to people so quickly," she provides, and Sana's grin grows even bigger than Jeongyeon thought was possible. Sana turns her phone around in her hand.  
  
"Liar! Momo's practically texting her every day."  
  
"I didn't know this was a competition," Jeongyeon says, laughing, but Sana doesn't, and Jeongyeon pauses to look at her. Sana's smile has grown small, and she's staring back at Jeongyeon, something indiscernible flickering across her face.  
  
"I _really_ want your sister to like me," Sana says. Jeongyeon knows there's something about this that's different, that there's a weight to this that Jeongyeon really doesn't have the energy to address right now.  
  
So she doesn't. Pulls up an article of them on the show that's just popped up on her home screen, and looks at the trees outside the window until they're back at the dorm. Sana's hand on the square of her back is gentle when they get out of the van, and when Jeongyeon looks back at her, her smile carries something like hope.  
  
  
  
  
**5.**  
  
The way it happens is a little anticlimactic, if Jeongyeon were being honest. Without warning, torrential rain breaks out somewhere in the middle of filming, and the two of them have been escorted to the nearest shelter on the island. Nakijin-son is big enough that Jeongyeon doesn't have time to see where the others are being carted to, and they disappear like dots out of sight. So here they are, stranded until the rain clears, stuck under this little colourful umbrella.  
  
The island is so beautiful. Jeongyeon is sure there'll be a rainbow after the storm passes, and Sana is looking too, over and across the horizon. This is a little closer to Sana's home than it is to Jeongyeon's, but the horizon feels like a straight line drawing everything together. Sana is just Sana, and Jeongyeon is just Jeongyeon, and they're stuck here together, Jeongyeon's heart on a drawstring.  
  
"Sana," Jeongyeon blurts out, in a sudden and horrifying loss of self-control.  
  
Sana's hand in Jeongyeon's lap jerks a little in surprise before settling back into its position. There's the same look in her eyes, the one where she was clamouring over Jeongyeon, drunk on alcohol. But this is clearer and smaller and more afraid, because Jeongyeon could just change the topic to coconuts or sunsets and Sana would play along, because all Sana does is wait and wait and wait until she's ready.  
  
"I think I love you."  
  
Jeongyeon hears it, the intake of breath like a sharp wind, and she doesn't know what Sana's doing because she's too scared to look at Sana's face. What if she was reading everything wrong? Their manager is hovering under another umbrella nearby, tapping frantically on his phone. A lightning streak across the downcast sky. Then, Sana's arm strung across the back of her neck, fingers on the side of her jaw, coaxing Jeongyeon to face her.  
  
When she comes into view, Sana's eyes are bright, and quiet, and happy, and Jeongyeon thinks about horizons and fate and the things that've brought them here.  
  
"Thank you," Sana says, and this laugh is real, realer than any that Jeongyeon has ever seen. "I think... I really want to kiss you right now."  
  
Jeongyeon thinks she may have stopped breathing. Maybe she's turning blue. "Okay," Jeongyeon says, and there's a thunder clap. Sana doesn't move. Manager _oppa_ is still on his phone.  
  
"Okay," Sana breathes, and her smile, bright and gentle and true, is the last thing Jeongyeon sees before she closes her eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> something like a speed writing exercise, so almost unedited, forgive the mistakes! grabbing inspiration before i lose it


End file.
